Something wicked stirring in my mind

Today started SO innocently. I was on okcupid, aim, imvu, and otakubooty chatting away. Nothing really bad there. I usually do that most times.
The thing is that, I usually don't get such strange IM's.
I won't state his name as that I am being a nice dictator...
but I will say what the gist of the convo was:

him: my friend and me made a bet about me wearing women's shoes. she brought a bag filled with pink panties, stockings, garters, and shoes.

me: well tell me about how you feel. Does it scare you that it makes you feel good?

I don't know what happened, but as soon as I started asking him about how he felt in the panties, the hose and such..something came over me. I was feeling like I was poking and prodding(in a good way) in his mind. I knew it was humilating, but I wanted to just see..to just know... if I could get in his head and make him admit that he liked being dressed that way. That and I wished I was there to see how he looked, and to totally make him feel like a woman. Complete with strapon. I wanted to make the little shit into the most femme thing I can think of.

My friend Erik was there online with me during the whole time as I explained to him the sitch. His response was "I guess there is a Dominant streak in your after all". Of course all said with a smirk. The bastard knew! LoL.

And here I am at a quandry. I loved the feelings I had..and wouldn't mind doing it in RL. I just fear what would happen if anyone close to me were to find out. We all know I live in backwards alley.

Call me an idiot but...

http://www.2theadvocate.com/news/neworleans/7241206.html

By ALLEN JOHNSON JR.
Special to The Advocate
Published: Apr 29, 2007 - Page: 27a

NEW ORLEANS — Gertrude LeBlanc, an ailing, 71-year-old retired postal worker, suddenly changed the course of a hurricane recovery march through the Lower 9th Ward on Saturday.

And she didn’t even get up from the rocking chair outside of her FEMA trailer. LeBlanc simply smiled and waved at the dozens of demonstrators — led by the Rev. Jesse Jackson — as they began to turn off Tennessee Street, a half a block away from where she sat.

“Whoa … whoa … whoa!” someone in the procession yelled.

The march that Jackson called “to refocus America’s attention” on the sluggish recovery in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast (20 months after Hurricane Katrina struck) — suddenly stopped in midturn at the corner.

U.S. Rep. Bill Jefferson, D-La., Mayor Ray Nagin and former Mayor Marc Morial and other front-row marchers carrying a banner, halted first. Swarming news photographers stopped backpedaling.

A man in a T-shirt then approached Jackson and pointed toward LeBlanc. The civil rights minister turned to his right. Looking across the weed-choked lots where houses once stood, he saw the elderly woman waving from underneath a blue-and-white striped umbrella on her porch.

Without expression, Jackson ordered the march to back up onto Tennessee Street. In short order, the activist and a stream of elected officials were taking turns climbing the flower-decked steps of LeBlanc’s porch. They greeted her warmly and with deference.

As I was reading my Advocate(www.2theadvocate.com), I went to the New Orleans section of the news. As I passed stories of pain, suffering, and the glaring problem of piss poor management, one in particular caught my eye. Basically there was a march in New Orleans that was "focused" on the recovery of New Orleans. Leading this was Jesse Jackson.

My only question is, while they were over there...why didn't they help the poor person out instead of shaking their hand?

Help.

I do not hate my family, but at moments I wish I had the strongest drink possible.

Today was one of those days.

I was getting something ready for the easter dinner when my mom asked me if I ever had any meds for my ADD(it's really bad) and then talked about how I was diagnosed with it but never got any meds. After that, we went down the grocery list of the diagnoses that I got from the psycharitrist that shall not be named(she was good though) until my grandmother said "PTSD, why was she diagnosed with that?"

My mom says calmly "For abuse, she was sexually abused"

My grandmother gave me the look of "yeah right" and kept doing whatever. Mom tried to say what happened, but she had it all wrong(ages and such) so I told her.

There was a few minutes of quiet until my mom said "Well the guy who did the thing is still alive, let's go kill him" , with a smile on her face.

I didn't get the humor in that.

Before this lovely incident, I went to Colfax to see my family and I tell you..it was a BAD IDEA. I had to sit there hearing about how my meds must be working because I seem so sane...

Guys, I tell you...

I need either a hug or a drink.

Friends Only Pictures..men on parade?

It's Wedsday, and we all know what that day means: clean out the litterbox day. No, wait! It's also another day. It's the day that my SO is off of work. And being the kind, giving person that he is...

He washes the dishes that are left over from last night while I write in my blog and check my account on OTAKUBOOTY. Nothing too interesting until I realize that I have a friend whose decided to let me see their friend only pictures. I won't say what constitutes friend only pictures, but I will tell you this...

If I ever decide to take thousands of pictures of me in various states of undress, cosplay, or bondage wear...my friends will know first.

In fact, that leads me to a question. For a girl who is pretty much like *ack don't wanna be the naked*, what friends only pictures should I put? What characters should I dress up as? Should I wear wigs or no?

Friends, you tell me...because I am more clueless(even though I read what to do) on what you guys(meaning everyone) wants.

Much love,

Noir

Every...Freaking...Time

I was reading this comic today, and I tell you..no I ASK you to reread the last frame, and replace it with "bible".

I won't lie, I seriously thought it was just your basic conversation that an Atheist has with a Christian. Let's think about that for a second. Could it be that I along with others have bought the idea that everyone and their mother is a Christian? You betcha. It's something I seriously thought for the longest time. I didn't meet my first Jewish person until I was in 4th grade, and even then I think I scared her because I was like "wow, that is so cool!". I didn't meet a Muslim until I was in college, and I had to go to LSU for that one. First Hindi? LSU. First Atheist? Somewhere in High School but I was too busy witnessing to them to really listen to their thoughts and ideas. Why? Because I wasn't really taught how to deal with anyone who thought differently than me, unless you count the "witness to them until they repent" part.
Note: To anyone who knew me in high school, I am so sorry!
Anyway, back to what I am trying to say. What am I trying to say? I am trying to say that in a way, my upbringing sheltered me to the point where I couldn't function with different people. There are moments where I fall into "faulty Christian thinking" and have to shake myself silly going "okay, this is NOT a theocracy..try the f$%k again".

And that's all I am going to say about that.

Best Bathrooms in East Baton Rouge

If I had a camera, I'd show you the best bathroom in East Baton Rouge. But since I do not, I shall instead tell you about it.

Surprisingly, the best bathroom is in the Best Buy near the Mall of Louisiana. It has great suction(I mean if you put a melon in there, it would just suck it down!) and is cleaner than most of the bathrooms around here.

The worst bathroom in East Baton Rouge? Wal-Mart near Bethany World Prayer Center. I know I am going to get some jokes on that, but let's think about it. The bathroom is dark, dank, and possibly only sees cleaning agents at least every other day. But if I were paid the horrible wages, I'd slack off too. And before someone says "OMG, how could you say that, you are teh evil!!", let me say this:

1. I like wal-mart.
2. I hate icky public restrooms.
3. It's an opinion, get over it.

Anyway, so that's all I have to say for today. Don't eat too much and Goddess/God Bless or something.

Question

I have a question. In a perfect world, would we still have strippers?


I know after the last entry, this question makes no sense, but I needed to ask something humourous....


But seriously, would there be strippers?

yay!..and a trigger

It's friday! I made it! Yay! I didn't kill anyone/myself/the people trying to get me to stay in current apartment. But I digress.

I am supposed to be doing classwork right now(see, it's right beside me?) but I wanted to just talk on blogger. Do you know what I hate? Therapists who accuse you of lying. I actually had that happen. Let me rephrase that: a therapist who continually asks you if you actually were molested and aren't making it up.


*this will trigger those who were abused..don't read unless ready*


Yes Mr. Smug-bastard, my friend is making up what happened to her because she wanted it to happen. I know that there was an explosion of people accusing others of molestation and abuse, and usually it came out on its own that they were lying..but sorry kid..she's not one of them. She really went through it. How do I know?
Because that friend is me. I felt those hands, I had to go through a period of not being able to sit down because I was hurt "down there". And I had to go through those indignities for a while, only to be told by family that I was lying.
So I kept it to myself, only to tell members of churches, other therapists, and finally...a cell leader. Did it make me feel better? No, not really, because I'll never gain my past back, but each person I tell, it reaffirms to me that I am really alive..and it really happened. I say the I am really alive part because he actually threatened my life, that bastard did. And every year I live the more I realize he was lying.
I can't get you to believe me unless you read my mind, maybe then you'd believe me.
Or you might think it's another delusion.
Until then, I am going to get another fucking therapist, you asshole.

Reason for my absense

Sorry guys, I've been a bad girl, but I have a reason!

1. I had a job
2. I joined a new website


1. I had a job

I got a job as a baker at cheesecake bistro, it didn't pan out(read: I got sick the first week). I couldn't help it that I got some horrible funky flu thing that still has me out on my ass. I guess when I finally get better I'll get another job. For now, not coughing up greenish grey stuff is on my agenda.

2. I joined a new website

I was drawn away by the most wonderful site: Otakubooty
Imagine this, all the "nerds" on the site...are hot! HOT NERDS ZOMG WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?! And they love anime. Yes yes, I am very much in heaven.

Alright since I've told you where I am...

you can figure out the rest.

laters

Happy Tuesday!

Hey kids! Today is Tuesday, and thanks to this blog, I am going to do a Tuesday meme. Those who are reading my blog, don't forget to answer too!

Due to a racy question, it might not be safe for work(NSFW).

1. What is your favorite charity? Do you you give your time or just money to that charity?
RAINN happens to be my favorite charity. As of the moment, I give neither, but the question certainly has given me a kick in the butt to do either one.

2. Describe your bed. What side do you sleep on?
It's a princess bed. Made of good, sturdy dark wood and a firm mattress. I tend to not sleep on *sides* but straight in the middle.


3. How important is a partners kissing ability?
It's pretty important. If he/she cannot kiss, what are the chances that they might incredibly suck in bed.

4. Have you ever purposely tried to seduce someone over a long period of time?
Yes! I have done that, and let me tell you, it works with guys..not so much with women.


5. Top or bottom?
Of the bed? Oh! Hm. Bottom.


Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever shaved your pubic hair? WTF is this question?! Yes, Yes I have.

What Grinds my Gears, pt Two

I said in my last post that I was going to write about inside racism, which should be inside discrimination, so my apologies.
But before I keep on going, let's start this off with a little story.

Last night I went to go see 300 with a friend of mine by the name of Lo. During the previews, there was a video for Fall Out Boy's "This ain't a scene, it's an arms race". Let it be known that I like Fall Out Boy(the guys can sing their lungs out, play instruments VERY well, and dammit, they are sooo hot!) and love the song that was playing even more. Usually when I hear it, I am singing along, but since I was with Lo, I took it down a few notches. He heard me anyway and said "I don't like this song" to which in typical fangirl fashion I was like "Why not? It rocks!", which led to a discussion on "my music" and "his music". This discussion was made worse by the fact that there was country music playing soon after...Tim Mcgraw if I remember correctly. He noticed that I liked the song "Set of Wings"(I know it isn't the right name but darnit.) and therein accused me of being "white". I of course was irritated. Why can't a person just like what type of music they like, and not be labeled anything?
This leads into my blog entry.
they(we) feel Why do some blacks find it necessary to say what is "white" and what is "black"? I mean, what is the purpose of it? Is there a "black" way of doing something? If so, why don't all blacks do it? Could it be that there are some issues leading to this idea? Yeah, totally. Maybe it is because they feel disenfranchised. Possibly. Or it could be that these people are complete idiots. Who knows. Either way, it all boils down to this: someone is going to think they are better or worse than another person because of the value placed of whatever is being spoken on. This is why I get such a big lecture for saying valley girl terms or listening to Fall Out Boy. The person lecturing thinks that "blackness" is something you can take on or off..thereby giving it increasing or decreasing value at will.

Does anyone understand why I am saying?

What Grinds my Gears

Alright, let me start off by saying I yanked the quote from a Family Guy episode. Anyway, so let me go on.

I despise racists. No, scratch that, abhor racists. I understand not everyone is going to get along, this is obvious from going to grade school, but there has to be at least a modicum of common sense. Let's use the belief that Blacks are worthless and haven't done anything. Let's go down a small list of things that were created by Blacks:

1. Blood Banks- Created by Charles Richard Drew
2. Potato Chips-George Crum
3. Gas Mask-Garrett Morgan
4. Wooden Clock-Benny Banneker

And that is not even scratching the surface. There were over 100 inventions created by Blacks, most of them so important that if we did not have them, life as we know it would be over. What sets them apart from the mass of blacks that are all around the world? Education? Yes. Opportunity? Possibly? Race? No.
Of course we will have some people that say "Well, they just had a large amount of white blood in them.". Oh really? So the large amount of white blood in a particular person denotes intelligence? What about the white student who does not do well in class? Then it must be that pesky negro blood, right? No. The kid is stupid just like any person from any other race is stupid or smart. Example: my mother. She's black(at least she keeps saying she is....) and is a doctor. No lie. That is her vocation. She went to one of the best medical schools in the south, has various awards for being a friggin genius, and now works in the country to help the very people who thinks she's nothing.
People attach value on the color of the skin to make themselves feel better. In other words, it's a value judgement, plain and simple. And since we cannot arrest those who make such interesting judgements, all we can do is combat the ignorance, or ignore it.

This is the little bit I am going to say on outside racism. My next post will be on inside racism.

Blinding Anger

I am just angry. Very angry. For the full bit, just look at 08 Mar 2007. How can two reps of two minorities be that lacking in logic? If anything, this has proved that racism is alive and well. And this has made it no better.


How the hell can you do that to a child?! They are small and not too bright at moments(they haven't lived long enough to really KNOW anything). Don't get me wrong, pot should be decriminalized...for ADULTS. But children should not even be near the stuff. Why? Because when used, it can screw with your lungs and head, and the kids need every brain cell possible. After they grow up, they can burn all the brain cells they want!
Anyway, what I was wanting to say was this:

Why did they have to be black? Just why? It's bad enough we had so many stupid things happen at the end of last month, now this? And they wonder why people say we are stupid. Seriously guys, use some g-d common sense. It isn't "cute" nor is it "gansta". It's STUPID. If you are going to spend time doing something like that, let me suggest sucking on a tailpipe of a car. While it's running.
Or maybe you could take that ingenuity and use it for something helpful.

Just a thought.

Changing the format..maybe

Gah.

I started planning the wedding today. Well, it isn't something that just HAPPENED, but instead is a series of starts and stops. You know how it is: school starts so it's all about the brain. That and I no longer have wedding on the brain like I did some months ago. I guess.no..I know it is because I didn't want to be let down again. The last man I was actually thinking of marrying..basically gave me the shaft.
Now granted, D is nothing like this. No. He is stubborn,goofy, and has alot of self respect. And yet, I love the guy. Those who know me get the joke.
The fact that he wants to marry ME can either cause me to want to run or look at him all googly eyed. So far it's the mix of the two. I am going to miss my freedom and the possibilities of things that I could do. But on the other hand, I actually want to make a life with this guy. Have children and all that. Yes, even grow old with him. I know he isn't perfect, and now I don't expect him to be.
And he doesn't expect me to be either. Hallelujah! Now, I do wonder if maybe I should be more ladylike...
but that's a work in progress.
I genuinely like this one, and want to make it work, before and after the whole non-altar thing.

I am thinking of making this lovely blog a testament to this life stage.

Anyone think it's a good idea?

One of my favorite things

Good Afternoon!

Today I want to share with everyone one of my favorite things. The "Favorite Thing" subject for today will be Infidel Guy.

When I first began doubting my faith, a friend suggested that I go to this site for two reasons: 1) the creator of the site/forum was an Atheist of Color and 2) The people there would be more than helpful when I had questions.
That was *thinks* I believe two years ago. And so far, I have seen the site grow despite the severe religious' right in the form of a certain couple I will not name, attempts to bring it down. But I digress.
Go to Infidel Guy and The Debate Hour. Tell them that DaugherofThought sent you.

Bored Writer Monday

It's been a few weeks since I've really sat down and written something. Since I don't want to overload you guys, I am going to put fragments of a short story I am working on every Monday and Wednesday. Give me as much constructive feedback as possible!


Daemon


I didn't know what it was that drew me to Jonathan. There was nothing that really set him apart from any other man. At least physically. He wasn't too tall or too short, and his hair was that nondescript brown. Nothing really special actually. But this did not keep me from being drawn to him.
The situations always began the same way: I would be doing something else, only to have him intrude. Now I won't lie, sometimes those intrusions were duly needed. For example, there was this one time when I tried to do my taxes myself. You should have seen the sight! I was hunched over various forms, drinking a tepid raspberry tea and swearing all the long. I was just about to chunk it all into the garbage can and call H&R Block when there was a knock at the door.
'Great, who could this be. Maybe it's my mother trying to drag me to church.' I thought to myself.
And then there was another knock.
"Okay, look I'm coming. Just give me a damned moment!" I yelled at the door, trying my hardest to get out of a rickety desk chair without stepping on the various levels of paperwork on my floor.

The Saturday SPecial: Memes!

I got this little gem from the Saturday Special Meme :

1. Favorite Book You've Read?:

2. Favorite Book Character?:

3. Favorite Book Genre?:

4. Hardcover or Paper Back?:

1. The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy

2. Arthur Dent(he's adorable and slightly neurotic)

3. Sci-Fi/Fantasy

4. Paperback: When the covers feel pliable, I tend to get more into the book. Hardcover tends to reek of "forced readings" Think grade school ^_^

I'm Back

Hey kids, I'm feeling better now. Apparently the flu took my brain, and during the time..made it into tapioca pudding.

But Enough about me, let's do something action-y

*cues moveon.org*

Hi,

I wanted to tell you about something pretty outrageous.

Fox News convinced the Democratic Party to let Fox host a nationally-televised Democratic presidential primary debate this summer in Nevada!

But Fox isn't even a legitimate news channel! It's a right-wing mouthpiece like Rush Limbaugh—dedicated to smearing Democrats. (Recently, Fox falsely claimed Sen. Barack Obama attended a terrorist school!)

There's a growing backlash of people demanding that Democrats drop Fox. Can you help out by signing this petition to the Democratic Party of Nevada? It's really easy—just click this link:

http://civic.moveon.org/foxdebate/?referring_id=-6937829-re134I&taf=1

Thanks!

Spanishtown Parade: A lesson in Begging

I promised you guys some info of what went down at the parade, but since I was sidelined with a strange cold that felt more like a flue, I wasn't able to really say what. For that, I apologize.

But I am better now! At least I think so. Anyway, to the parade:

Imagine being surrounded by hundreds, if not thousands of people. You wait and wait for something, anything, to give evidence that the parade has begun. It begins. At first, it starts as a trickle of floats, some here, some there..and a whole lotta dead space. During the dead space you dart to and fro in order to gather beads. The whole ones you keep, the dead(meaning broken) ones you leave unless you use the dead beads for other things. You might flirt with people if you are near a cluster of hotties, or just talk to your own friends, like I did.
Some background on my friend M.L. She just happens to have the same first name as I, so in order to keep the sanity, we ask others to call us by the initial of the last name. It works. Anyway, as I was saying! She's a feisty girl, always ever speaking her mind and wanting a good time. And when I mean good time, I mean good clean fun. No dirty thoughts out there, okay?
But I digress.
She informed me that in order to get the "prize", meaning the large beads, I had to beg for them. Heck, to get any of worth, you have to beg for them. Now that I have given a little bit of the back story, here are the begging rules during Mardi Gras:

1. Beg Loudly:
If you are intending for the person on the float to hear you, you must scream. It may seem uncouth, but trust me, you'll be even more embarrassed if you get snubbed.

2. Beg Often:
If you are loud, but only say "please can I have that" only once, you usually are snubbed.

3. Make a damn fool of yourself:
Anything goes, to an extent. If it is a family parade, do not flash. That being said, you can dance, jump, scream, and shimmy all you want if it gets you the beads you want.

4. Don't be ashamed to flirt:
The men(or women if you are male) appreciate a bit of flirting when throwing beads. Yes, I said that. They may look all impervious to baser thoughts, but they are human.

5. Go with friends:
Don't go by yourself, you'll just get depressed. That and you would miss all the good beads because you don't have people standing beside you going "if you want that you need to get that".

Before I go, let me tell you something funny. The amount of beads you have are a show of sexual prowess. If the person beside you is starting to resemble a Maoi woman...maybe you should tap that.

Spanish Town Parade

I suggest that if you come to Baton Rouge, make sure to attend the Spanish Town Parade. It's fun, a little bawdy, and there are lots of beads.
I would write more, but my arms hurt from all of the beads I had to carry.
More info later.

Terms of Ignorance

People, this is Reggie. Also known as Infidelguy.
In the spirit of Black History Month, I have decided to post a little rant he had.
Take it away Reggie!

Jesse Jackson Places Bid for the Presidency

It's only the second week of the month of February, and I pine for it to be March. It is not because I hate Mardis Gras, oh no. I like the celebration of debauchery and excess. It is because this month is Black History Month. This month is basically supposed to be a big ole black-palooza, complete with a scanty history of how we got here and what we intend on doing. The only problem is that we lost focus. Instead we are watching poorly done movies, listening to people who claim to be our leaders, and not turning off Black Embarrassment Television. What our ancestors wanted for us was to stand by a white man, not separate ourselves all together. But yet, it seems to be more fashionable to do so. In fact, I dare say that some people make more money from this separation. People like Louis Farrakhan. Oh dear sweet (fill in deity here) how I dislike that man! He preys on the broken, downtrodden, and then uses the already festering(and misplaced) hate that most of the poor saps have and uses it to fuel his quest for power.
Then there is another baka by the name of Jessie Jackson. I do not know where to begin with this man. Not in least, so I will let it go before I burst a vein or something. Oh wait, I know. The case where the young woman who was harming herself in prison accused jailers of raping her. JJ leaps into the fray and screams racism, only to find out that he was wrong. And no, he did not apologize.
As I was saying, these people pander to the basest thought of people, and make a dollar off of it. They take the bloody corpse of self imposed bigotry, drag it through the streets and then beat it with the crooked bat of stupidity. And then tell us how we should fight the man and basically commercialize Black History Month.
I don't think so. What about making sure that people in horrible conditions are able to take care of themselves, that homeless people can actually find a place to live, and that more black men graduate instead of go to jail? How about telling people we should rely on common sense instead of assuming that the church is going to "heal it all"?
I guess no one thought of that.
Well, except me.

I am late, late late!!

Many apologies to those who actually read this blog. I started school and totally lost track of time.


But I am back now.


Let the freak show begin.